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Business owner Delane Lim, 38, supports his parents to the tune of a few thousand dollars a month. He pays for the salaries of two domestic helpers to look after his 65-year-old mum, who has dementia, while giving his parents $1,600 to spend a month.
Others, like sales manager Natalie Karl, 28, do not give their parents an allowance.
“My parents said they are comfortable, and they don’t need money from me,” Ms Karl said. Her parents are both working professionals, while Mr Lim’s father is a taxi driver.
Children who do not give their parents an allowance are in the minority, it seems, as three in four of 1,000 people polled in an online survey commissioned by The Straits Times (ST) reported giving a regular sum to their parents.
Among those who give, almost half give $300 to $500 a month, on average. About half also said they give 10 per cent to 20 per cent of their salary.
ST commissioned the survey, done by market research firm Milieu Insight, to find out how attitudes towards giving money to parents have changed over the generations.
It polled people across three generations: Gen Zers aged 18 to 26, millennials aged 27 to 42, and Gen Xers from 43 to 58.
Trends
About two in three give an allowance (68 per cent). The rest do not.
Filial piety was the top reason for giving, with 55 per cent of respondents citing this. Other common reasons were wanting to repay their parents, whom they love, and not wanting them to worry about money.
39 per cent of Gen Zers said they give an allowance as a form of paying rent as they are living with their parents. Only 21 per cent of millennials and 8 per cent of Gen Xers said this.
41 per cent give less than $300 a month, while 45 per cent give $300 to $500.
About half said they give 10 per cent to 20 per cent of their monthly salary, while close to two-fifths said they give less than that.
For those who do not give their parents an allowance, the top reasons were that their parents are “financially secure and do not need additional support”, and that the respondent faces personal financial challenges.
A third said their parents told them not to give them an allowance.
Hear from fellow Gen Zers
MR THADDEUS TAN, 25, AUDITOR
GIVES
It’s like a cycle, when they took care of us when we were young, and now that I’m working, it’s sort of a role reversal, and we take care of them.
He did not want to disclose the sum he was giving, but said it was a “significant” part of his pay.
His dad, 53-year-old Christopher Tan, had asked him to give a fixed sum each month for life, so this amount will form a smaller proportion of his salary as his income rises over time.
“It’s my hard-earned money, so I will feel the pinch a bit. But the idea is meaningful. I see it as a way to repay them for their love and sacrifices they made for me when I was young. It’s a way to show my love for them.”
Read Mr Christopher Tan’s account in the Gen X section.
MR ISAAC KHO, 19, WORKING PART-TIME IN CUSTOMER SERVICE
GIVES
I’m working part-time and my parents are still working, so I don’t give them a lot of allowance. I give because I want to support them and repay them as they brought me up.
He started giving his parents an allowance in 2023 when he started working part-time. He gives about $100 out of his monthly income of $1,000.
“If I earn more, I would give more. I want them to use it to enjoy themselves on the weekend or when they go out.”
MS AZLIN ZUBAIRAH, 23, RESEARCH AND COMMUNITY EVENTS INTERN
DOES NOT GIVE
I don’t give my parents an allowance as I am currently doing an internship and the internship pay is not a lot. I’m also juggling expenses such as my phone bills and medical bills.
Instead of giving money, she tries to pay for some meals and buys fruits for her family.
“If I were to work full-time in the future and settle down, I would probably start giving, though I have not discussed this with my parents,” she said.
She also speaks about the difficulties of bringing this up with her family.
How much do your millennial peers give?
Aged 27-42
Trends
Almost eight in 10 (78 per cent) give their parents an allowance, while the rest do not.
Filial piety was the most common reason for giving, with 59 per cent of respondents citing this.
45 per cent also said it was a blessing for them to be able to give their parents an allowance.
About one in four (26 per cent) gives less than $300 a month, while 45 per cent give $300 to $500. Another 17 per cent give $501 to $999 monthly.
About half said they give 10 per cent to 20 per cent of their monthly salary, while just over two-fifths said they give less than that.
For those who do not give their parents an allowance, the top reasons were that their parents are “financially secure and do not need additional support” and that the respondent is facing personal financial challenges.
15 per cent said they have other dependants at home to care for, such as children.
Hear from fellow millennials
MS DHABMITAH KAMARUDIN, 29, CONTENT GRAPHIC DESIGNER
GIVES
I give my mum an allowance because it feels like it’s the right thing to do. When I was younger, my mum would be the one taking care of me and giving me monthly pocket money for school.
“So now that I am a working adult and have the means to give some of my income to my mum, I feel like it’s appropriate to give her an allowance too.”
She gives about $300, which is about 10 per cent of her income.
She added that she would increase the sum she gives, if she receives a promotion and a higher salary.
MR DELANE LIM, 38, BUSINESS OWNER
GIVES
It’s a family tradition… I hope if I have kids, my kids will also do the same,” said Mr Lim, who is married with no children.
“I know that some day, when they (my parents) pass on, I would have done my duty as a son in taking care of them. I would feel at peace.”
He gives $1,600 a month to his parents. Among other bills, he also pays for the salaries of two helpers to look after his mum, a 65-year-old who has dementia.
The total sum he forks out to support his parents adds up to a few thousand dollars each month and is a “significant” part of his income, said Mr Lim, the younger of two children.
He added: “I see taking care of my parents as a moral responsibility, not an obligation.”
His father Roland Lim, a 70-year-old taxi driver, said: “It’s not how much the children give, but it’s the thought that counts.
“If they can afford to give more, they should give more. If they can’t afford, they can give less. If our children don’t give us, we will feel sad even though we can’t force them to give.”
Mr Roland Lim added that people of his generation feel it is “a must” to support their parents financially.
MR CHANDRAMOGAN GUNASAKARAN, 41, FINANCIAL ADVISER
DOES NOT GIVE
My mother is self-sufficient now, she has no debts, her house is fully paid for and she also goes to work. Now I have two kids and my own bills to pay, so I’ve not been giving her an allowance.
He said he started working part-time or holiday jobs at the age of 13 to help his mother with household bills as she was a single mother. Then, he gave her a “huge chunk” of his pay.
He gave her an allowance till he was 33 years old. He stopped giving as she told him not to and he had his own children, now nine and 10, to raise.
He still gives his mother a hongbao (a monetary gift in a red packet) on occasions such as Mother’s Day and Deepavali.
How much do your Gen X peers give?
Aged 43-58
Trends
About three in four (76 per cent) give an allowance, and the rest do not.
Like the other generations, filial piety was the top reason given by Gen Xers, with 62 per cent of respondents choosing it.
The second most common reason (56 per cent) why Gen Xers give is that their parents, who may be retired or unemployed, need the money.
About two in five give $300 to $500 a month, while 24 per cent give less than $300.
What was different among Gen Xers versus the other generations was that a significant proportion of them – 23 per cent – give between $501 and $999 a month, while another 11 per cent give between $1,000 and $1,999.
45 per cent said they give 10 per cent to 20 per cent of their monthly salary, while 46 per cent give less than 10 per cent.
This suggests that even though the absolute sum given is higher among Gen X respondents as they are likely to earn more, the proportion of their income they give to their parents is similar to that given by the younger generations.
Among those who do not give their parents an allowance, the top reason cited was that their parents are dead.
The other reasons for not giving were that their parents are “financially secure and do not need additional support”, or that the respondents have personal financial challenges. About one in five (22 per cent) said they have other dependants to care for.
Hear from fellow Gen Xers
DR KOH SOK BOON, 46, ADMINISTRATOR
GIVES
“I know my mum wants us to give as she’s traditional in that way. Like her generation sacrificed for our generation, so I’m happy to do it,” she said, adding that her mother had never asked her explicitly for an allowance.
Dr Koh said she tops up about $1,000 monthly in total to her parents’ Central Provident Fund retirement accounts, as they do not need the cash on hand. This also gives her tax benefits.
She also gives them a supplementary credit card each, though she does not really track how much they spend. She said her parents are frugal and use the credit card only when they have to.
Her parents are both retired.
She added that she gives the allowance to them out of a sense of filial piety.
MR CHRISTOPHER TAN, 53, RUNS A WEALTH ADVISORY FIRM
RECEIVES
There are many ways to show love, but giving money is the most tangible way as it requires sacrifice.
He said he asked his son, Thaddeus, for a fixed sum every month when he started working, though he declined to reveal how much the sum is. He has two children, Thaddeus, 25, and a 21-year-old daughter, who has just graduated from university.
The sum given will remain the same for life, he said, and it will be easier on the children’s budgets as their pay increases over time. And if they cannot afford it, they can tell him and adjust accordingly.
“If we keep saying that they don’t have to give, this practice will die off,” he said.
“Now when you ask parents, many say they don’t expect their children to give. So I feel over time, the norm will become ‘there is no need to give’.”
He gave his parents financial support every month until they died. At one point, he gave up to $1,500 a month, in part to help his parents pay for his younger sister’s university fees.
His late father was a bus driver and Mr Tan is the second of four children.
He said: “It’s standard practice that when we start working, we help out with family expenses. For my generation, that is a given as many of our parents were poor.”
He said giving financial support was also to honour his parents for bringing him and his siblings up.
He added: “I feel that you show filial piety through this (giving an allowance) and this practice shouldn’t stop at our generation.”
ST commissioned the survey after former politician Teo Ser Luck posted on Facebook in October that he had considered asking his eldest son to pay rent after he started working.
He said he wanted to teach his children financial independence and charging them rent would be part of that process.
When he broached the topic with his son, Mr Teo found out that his son had been a step ahead of him. The son had already been putting a large portion of his income into a bank account set up in his parents’ names.
In the ST survey, filial piety was the top reason cited by respondents across the three generations for giving their parents money regularly.
However, there were clear differences in views held by respondents across the generations.
For example, 39 per cent of Gen Z respondents said they see giving an allowance to their parents as a way of paying rent. Only 8 per cent of Gen X respondents chose this option.
Sociologists interviewed noted that parents of Gen Zers and millennials tend to be more well-off financially compared with parents of older generations, as they are more highly educated, have better-paying jobs and have saved up more for their retirement.
In general, these parents may have less of a need for their children to support them financially after they retire.
Assistant professor of sociology Shannon Ang from Nanyang Technological University said: “What this means is that allowance-giving is now often ‘de-linked’ from financial need, becoming almost purely an act of filial piety or tradition.”
Since parents of millennials and Gen Zers tend to be much more well-to-do compared with their own parents, later-born cohorts may question if allowance-giving is the only (or the best) way to show filial piety, especially given their own financial outlook.
ASSISTANT PROFESSOR SHANNON ANG FROM NANYANG TECHNOLOGICAL UNIVERSITY
“Millennials and Gen Zers may feel highly precarious in today’s economy, which is uncertain and experiencing slowing growth,” said Prof Ang.
He said some parents may repackage the filial obligation of giving allowance to their parents as paying rent, a more market-oriented logic that younger generations find easier to accept.
He said: “To make this practice seem morally acceptable, it is often tied to this idea of ‘teaching financial independence’. But such ‘rents’ are seldom priced at market rate.”
Nevertheless, National University of Singapore sociologist Tan Ern Ser noted that with three in four respondents giving their parents an allowance, this practice remains fairly widespread.
It is certainly not becoming extinct, despite our being in an era where seniors are less likely to see their adult children as part of their retirement plan.
ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR TAN ERN SER, NATIONAL UNIVERSITY OF SINGAPORE SOCIOLOGIST
But regardless of a parent’s need for financial support, or the child’s views on the matter, Prof Ang noted that one key consideration behind the giving is how the parent-child relationship will be affected if the parent and child cannot agree on this.
Ms Susan Koh, family life specialist at Focus on the Family Singapore, said that money can be a touchy and sensitive topic, but families should not shy away from having open and honest conversations about the issue.
She advises using such conversations as a way to understand each other’s perspectives and for children to understand what it means for their parents to receive an allowance from them. Doing so will “help to reduce assumptions, align our values, and bridge expectations”, she said.
She added: “Different generations may hold different values regarding parental allowance, but the heart of giving is about appreciating and honouring our parents who have provided for us through our growing years.”
